Every day I end up where I started

It’s hard to say why I am where I am in the world right now.

Physically, being in here Providence, Rhode Island, gives me an interesting vantage point from which to observe the world moving around me. It’s not new per se; I’m going on 3 years living in this city full time. Before I was here I lived for 18 years in a single house in suburban Texas. I had lots of friends that remained static from kindergarten at Zavala Elementary all the way through my senior year of high school. Although my fondest and closest friends I met in high school, it was comforting to see the familiar faces through all those years.

It’s humbling how everything changes so fast.

During the first year of college I (barely) coped with an insane long distance relationship. She was in the US Navy, and had just been ripped from my arms a month before I moved to school. She was stationed 3,000 miles away, in California. I was on the phone a bit more than would be considered healthy.

Other than being unable to see my girlfriend, the transition to Providence wasn’t too bad. Three of my closest buddies from high school ended up attending the same university as me. We were all roommates freshman year. Two of them left after freshman year to finish their associates in Denver. The other decided not to finish his degree after the first year. That left me; all alone in Providence. A city I didn’t yet know how to love. And then my girlfriend dumped me.

Looking back now, I think losing my close support system of friends was a boon to my personal development. Once I learned how to open my eyes, meet people, and be myself again, Providence provided me with a whole new set of friends and opportunities.

Now, let me make clear that I in no way mean to imply that I did not or do not appreciate the wonderful roommates I was blessed with freshman year. What drove us apart was as much distance as it was disdain for the university we attended. It was as much apathy as it was longing for family. In all fairness, any ill feelings are a result of a series of terrible misunderstandings. I wish them the best. They know that.

With each passing year, I feel like I’ve started over.

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